Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
