Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
