i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
