Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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