gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
