i think my mom watched the whole time
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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