Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
