Apparently you make a good broom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
