Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I touched a dick in church today
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
