Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
