so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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