I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
