I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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