I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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