The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
