I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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