remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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