So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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