Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize