i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
