Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
