the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
