with your own penis?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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