New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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