he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
