Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
