bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
