Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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