nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
