After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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