so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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