Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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