All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
