Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
