I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
