It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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