When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
