Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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