Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
