Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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