The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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