areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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