I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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