I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
