I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
