I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
