Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
