she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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