Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
