She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
