I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
