wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize