i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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