somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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