I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
