It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
