Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
