one might say we're banned from that church
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
