i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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