She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
