im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
