I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize