So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
