no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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